The Fall of A Banyan Tree....

The Fall of A Banyan Tree....

Twenty years ago that day changed my life in a big way. That was the first time I had felt what by now had been discovered being called loneliness. I was deep asleep when I heard some noise in my home at that unusual time.  I woke up as my mom shook me saying, “Wake up Arav, we are going to Daadu’s (Grand Pa) place.”, and hurried away.  This was unusual too. She had never woke me up that way. My morning had always began with motherly cuddles and my mischievous excuses to not to go to school.  By the time I could have opened my eyes properly and got hold of that unusual morning meet, I heard mom’s voice from other room, “Wake up Arav, Hurry up. Your Chachu (Uncle) will be here in few minutes to pick us up”, she said in hurry.  I rubbed my eyes and pulled myself out of the quilt. Shivers had already shaken me twice or thrice by the time I landed my feet on floor. I glanced on wall clock in curiosity about the time and my time reading abilities which I had learnt last month from Daadu when he stayed with us for few days after my birthday. Shorter hand approaching five meant it wasn’t five yet and multiplying the digit just passed by longer hand by five using a table of eight, I calculated the time as Four Forty AM. I had never seen this hour of the day in my conscious life before. January was about to end and winters were at its best to cause one freeze.

“Where is Dad?” I asked my mom as I walked slowly towards her.

“He has gone along with Daadu and Daadi (Grand Ma) to their place from Hospital.” She said hastily while she took me to washroom and splashed some water on my face from the bucket. 

She cleaned my face quickly, changed my clothes, combed my hairs and again got herself busy in packing the stuff she was packing earlier.

Things had not been in their usual manner since last one week. Since the day I had been told by mom that Daadu was not well and he had to stay at doctor’s place called Hospital till he gets well again. My Chachu, who was not married yet and lived with Daadu and Daadi at our village, was coming to pick me up from school since that day. My neighbor’s daughter who was in our school till last year and whom I didn’t like that much, was taking care of me and my homework . Her mother coming in between was making things further worse for me. Dad wasn’t coming home regularly too and I was told that he is taking care of Daadu at hospital along with Daadi.

I was still trying to collect things in my mind in that chilled early morning when my mom handed me a glass full of milk and I heard the car approaching our home. I never liked drinking milk but gulped the full glass down my throat in one go showing the first sign of maturity as mom ran towards the door. Chachu came in as mom opened the door and returned to me. He picked up the stuff mom was busy packing and we all came out. Mom locked the door while Chachu took the driver’s seat. I had always been obstinate for sitting in front since dad had brought our own Maruti home last year, but I don’t know why I behaved different again. But Mom took me in her lap and sat in front. I looked towards my home while Chachu took the U turn. He wasn’t his usual self too. He was always like loving, teasing and playing with me.  But this time he hadn’t even pulled my cheeks which he loved most and I hated most.

“How is papa now?  And why you have got him discharged from the hospital? He was recovering when I saw him last night, wasn’t he?” Mom said anxiously to Chachu breaking my thought process.

“Yes he was slightly, from the night before yesterday. But his condition started deteriorating again after about an hour you had left. In midnight nurse called the doctor and he gave him an injection again and said there is no hope.” Chachu said holding his tears. “He slept till three O’clock and then started asking us to take him back in Village. We tried a lot to make dad relax but he wasn’t ready to spend a minute more there. Bhaiyya (Brother) consulted with the doctor and nurse helped in making the discharge as soon as possible”. Chachu said wiping his wet eyes.

“Your bhaiyya called around 3.30 and just said they were leaving for the village and you would be coming to pick us up in an hour. I was so frightened since then.” Mom said and she was in tears too.

I was scared as I have never seen any of them in tears before. I didn’t know what exactly was happening but was quiet sure by now that something was wrong with Daadu.

No one spoke after that and I slowly turned my gaze away from mom and chachu towards the trees running behind, few stars to observe in the sky and moon hiding and coming out of the clouds.

 Our village wasn’t that far from the city. It was on the road to Derabassi from Chandigarh. It has been just two years since we had shifted in the city. All I knew was that dad will now teach in a very big college called University rather than in the school. But I didn’t like it that much as now students kept coming in big bunches in home too till the dinner. And that had started keeping dad busy. However every alternative weekend we were going to meet Daadu and Daadi and I used to wait for those weekends more than anything else.

Soon we turned towards the smaller way in between the fields leading towards our village and began my horror show as well. I never liked this phase of my Car’s journey as there were so many Ghosts always standing in between the fields staring me, which I came to know were scarecrows and were meant to scare crows not me, only an year or two later when I had been taught about it in school. I hid myself in mom’s arms and didn’t turn my face out again till we got a big jump, always holding a deep strength to welcome us right outside our village.

It wasn’t empty like city was at that time in the morning. People were on the streets wrapped up completely in shawls and chewing sticks I had seen in Daadi’s room near the window ledge and mom once had told me they are for cleaning teeth. I wondered how one can clean his teeth with a wooden stick. Infact I had tried once but couldn’t find the answer. As we moved towards our home the number of people kept increasing on the street and there were a number of people gathered and more coming outside our home. Chachu parked the Car outside near the big Banyan tree standing strong in front of our home. It was a very big Banyan tree, even bigger than the one was in our book last year. It hosted a lot of birds of different types to rest and live, squirrels to jump here and there, kids to play and Grand pa and his friends to hold their evening meetings.

People gave us the way as we hurried inside the home. There were more people inside. Although there were always people coming in our home and sitting for hours but today almost whole village was at our doorsteps. Our home in village was amongst a few bigger ones. It had a very big open space made of red bricks. In the middle of it, there was a very big plant around which we used to pray in morning, And a big verandah in front of it with six rooms around it, three on both the sides with a lobby in middle leading to back of the home. At back of the home we had equally bigger area with cows tying on one side and vegetables grown on the other.

There were familiar faces in verandah. We headed straightaway towards Daadu’sroom. Room was filled with Daadu’s and Daadi’s friends. Then I saw Dad sitting on the floor and Daadu lying on his lap. Dad was holding Daadu’s hand in his hand. I was still holding Mom’s finger. Mom went to Daadi and I went along with her holding her finger. Daadi was in sobs and others were too. I was scared.

“Why Daadu is lying on the ground mom?” I asked turning my mom’s face towards me, who was now inclined to Daadi.  Before she could reply me, I heard my name Arav and Daadi gave a slight pat on my shoulder and signaled me to go to Daadu. I saw him spreading his arms like he always had for me. I went to him and he put his arms around me. I was lying over him but this time his grip wasn’t that strong it used to be. Then he kissed me on my forehead and turned his face towards dad. He tried to say something, but his words weren’t coming out properly.

“Hasn’t ..Kishore…and Sunny….came yet?” He asked.

Sunny was my cousin brother. He lived in delhi with Badi Ma (Aunt) and Bade Pa (Uncle).

“I have already given a trunk call to veer jee and they will be here soon” dad said trying to make Grand Pa calm.

“Rano……..and Laddi” He asked about my chhoti Bua and badi Bua (Aunt).

“They are coming too” dad answered while running his hand on Daadu’s forehead.

“I…..want to….see you….all…..to..uh gether.” Daadu said trying to stretch his tongue.

“This….ye..ar. We wil get….Arun….married too.” Daadu said looking towards Chachu, who was holding Daadu’s feet in his lap and was rubbing them with his hands.

“Arav…..Arav…..Arav’s this year Birthday…I…I….will get him……Bicycle.” Daadu said and his hug became a bit tighter. I hugged him tightly too. After a few seconds his hold of me became loser and further loser.  I compensated it by my further tight hug. All ladies in that room who were sobbing earlier started howling loudly now. Dad and chachu was weeping too. Mom was holding Daadi and was weeping loudly. Somebody from so many people standing out there took me in his arms and came out of that room. By that time I had started crying too. I was trying my level best to get lose of that hold and go back to Daadu. All of sudden I started shouting loudly, “Let me go to Daadu. Let me go to Daadu”. I started slapping the person and he hugged me tightly. I realized he was my Mamu (Uncle)who loved me so much. “I want to go to Daadu. Let me go. Let me go mamu” I said crying loudly but bit unruffled this time. After few minutes my cries turned into sobs while mamu held me tight in his arms. Meanwhile they kept doing something with clothes and some other stuff in the room where Daadu was lying. People kept coming and howls grew further louder and louder. After an hour or so bua jee came and bade Pa came few hours later. A barber came and made all of males in the family bald including me. Meanwhile tears has stopped coming out of my eyes but it was like I was ingesting them down my throat now.

People brought a kind of wooden structure and placed it in the open area in front of verandah and covered with white sheets. Then they laid Daadu there. Daadu was fully covered with white sheet now. They performed some rituals, and then covered him with flowers. I kept watching standing numb. I don’t know what I was feeling at that moment but I was sure about one thing that something is going to be changed forever.

Then suddenly dad, chachu along with two other uncles picked Daadu up on their shoulders along with that wooden frame on which he was lying for his journey to live with God now. They walked out of the home and all others followed. Bade Pa was walking ahead holding a pot and Sunny bhaiyya was waving a hand-made fan like object to Daadu. All were chanting god’s name. Mamoo was holding my hand. Mom had held Daadi tightly and was howling loudly along with bua jee and badi ma while I look behind walking out of the home with all others. Almost whole village was following us when we turned left of the Banyan tree outside our home in the village square.  Usual life around that banyan tree was missing today. Those squirrels, ever chirping birds and kids around were too following us perhaps. Walking through fields for half an hour we reached on the banks of nearby river. All who had came along with us carried wooden sticks or slats and made a pyre of those woods. They laid Daadu on the pyre and covered him with more woods after performing some rituals. Then we walked in circular path around that pyre. Then bade Pa fired the pyre and we all stood there for some time.  Bade pa and Dad stood in line hands pressed together while all others walked back  to village. I stood there along with Chachu and Sunny bhaiyya watching fire flames reaching higher and higher in sky.

Now after so many years, I realize what I had watched for so long that day, which hadn’t known to me when I was actually there watching that fire burning it all. It was like that the big banyan tree has been set fired and it will engulf everything to burn down in ashes. It will burn my playmate, my playgame and my playground itself. It will burn my stories and my storyteller. It will burn my guard and my shelter. It will burn the single Authority of our home whom everyone else had followed without an argument. It will burn that Big banyan tree standing strong in middle of the village right outside our home with a full authority of command, giving shelter to all, guarding them all, giving grounds to all to grow, giving plots for stories to develop, giving a place for all to discuss what they were going through in their lives, making everyone learn from its experience of being large and solid, letting all kids fly like birds, play like, squirrels, run like lizards under its vast network of trunks, roots and branches and making all feel like that having Big banyan tree around us they are protected under shadows of its blessings.

For so many days after that day I kept a hope of him coming back like Amitabh Bachhan used to come back live again in every Friday movie after getting killed in previous one. Going to village now was never that excited as life was never same again. Daadu’s last words kept echoing in my ears for so many days that he will get me a bicycle on my next birthday and I still have that Bicycle dad got me same year. It makes me feel like he is still around taking care of me. That loneliness was later filled with competitive race of life.

That Banyan tree in front of our home in village is still there offering its unconditional love in all forms. But I can always just close my eyes and watch a li’l kid witnessing The Fall of A Banyan Tree.

Simply Arsh

The Last Encounter....................................... when we met for the last time

The Last Encounter....................................... when we met for the last time

Last is a word of past, last is word replaceable with lost.

In context of life, last time is always a time which is spent but never got passed from present to past. I often wonder that my heart cherish or miss that last time, it feels good or bad about it. My heart never show me its true colors albeit it is drenched with color of love from outside, scientifically proven, and inside as well, romantically proven. The last time, I am talking about is not the last time which will come again but the last time the final one.

Last time I met her and last time I met her, both have different connotations altogether. One is full with hope, joy and no place of negative thoughts that there could a reason exist which will bar us meeting further and other one with dead end like the game is over now.

That last time is still my present. That last time never passed to past from present to get buried in the graveyard of my memories, even I have spent that time a long time ago. I don’t really know that I haven’t moved at all or that time has kept moving along with me, what I know is I still see her face in front of me. I still feel her presence in the air. Her voice still echoes my thoughts. Her name still lives on my each breath and I can still smell her hairs in the wind.

That day too all my senses were busy serving my love for her when I got a call from her to meet in evening.

I reached our usual meeting point well before the time decided. My ears were ready to get lost in melody of her voice as soon as she will ask, “How are you”? Hands ready to hold her hands and feel like the hands of the richest person of this universe. And my soul waiting to flavor her love in few moments. The only sense of mine that was in full consciousness was my sixth sense and that was signaling me that terribly wrong was going to be worst today and perhaps I will never ever be able to be with her in this life as it’s been four long years of struggle and fight now. We had been begging for our lives from her parents since the time we had told them about us.

I was in Lajpat Nagar sitting outside 3C’s on the stairs when I saw her approaching towards me. Clouds had turned to grey at 4 o’clock in evening though there was no hope for rain to come, but signaling for the dawn of summers. Breeze was cool and steady enough to make her hairs flying on her face. She was unsuccessfully trying to set them behind her ears and every time in doing so bangles in her hands were making a sound enough to raise heartbeats, which perhaps was audible to me only. In white suit, grey cloudy background and trees dancing in the waves of air she was proving my words true that girl is a synonym of beauty and nature. The only thing missing was the charisma of cheerfulness, joy and that smile which had always made her forget the whole world whenever she was with me in last five years. That happiness has been long taken away from her face by the cruel fate, karma, situations whatever we may call them.

“Love you” I said when she came right in front of me, with the smile grown on my face seeing her trying to make her smile as well.

“Love you too” she mumbled, with the smile my magical words has been succeeded in bringing up on her face as usual and giving a vain try in holding tears in her eyes.

“Hey sweetheart what happened” I said trying to make things easier for her.

“Nothing, I don’t know anything. We are just meeting for the last time and please don’t ask me why” she said somehow and busted into tears.

“Don’t worry nothing will happen and I won’t ask anything. You just stop crying. Common give me a hug. And don’t cry” I took her in my right arm and  caressed her as much as I can keeping my sixth sense in backyard of my mind who emerged as a winner, as the only thing impossible for me at the moment was to see her crying.

“No Arav, nothing will happen now. Everything has been finished.” She groaned wiping off her tears or making way for more to come.

This time I couldn’t stop myself embracing her tight without looking around where every eye was now staring us as she busted into tears instantly like some glacier has melt down and sea has crossed all its boundaries.

“Calm down just calm down. Stop crying dear. It’s ok. I am here for you only” I said faking as a coolest guy of this world and kissed at her forehead. I don’t know from where I took the courage to ignore the public especially at Lajpat in delhi. This made her a bit relaxed. “Look everyone has started staring us” I said holding her face in my hands. She nodded and I wiped off her tears.

I hold her hand and took her along with me towards the parking where I had parked my bike. Some eyes followed us and some started looking for other gossip material.

In a ten minutes ride we were at Café Coffee Day at South Ex., where a lot can happen our coffee, and what was about to happen with me, their marketing managers would have never thought so deciding for the punch line of Café Coffee Day. Not to mention she kept quiet for whole time and I didn’t dare to ask her anything.

At CCD fortunately we found a table empty and that too a corner one where it would be easier for us to depart.

She was not looking at me, but wanted to say something. I knew what it was all about. I wanted her to not to  lose hope n keep fighting but kept quiet for few minutes to let her say what she wanted to. Seeing her unsuccessful attempt I tried to make it easy for her to say those words knowing very well that those are the words which will make my nightmare come true.

“What Happened” I asked politely. She kept quiet. “Hey dear! Say whatever you want to say. I am here for you, just for you. Don’t be afraid of anything.” I said trying to make her easy to say those words which she was feeling   heavier than the sky above her head at the moment. She surely would have wished that sky must have fallen before her saying those words to me.

“Whatever I am up to say, please don’t ask me the reasons, as I don’t even know what are those reasons which made me to say these words.” She pleaded.

“I won’t ask anything. Just say it. Don’t worry, I love you and will love you always irrespective of anything else.” I replied knowing what it will be going to do with my life.

“I can’t even ask you to understand me as I don’t even understand myself.” She kept imploring.

“Have you ever needed to ask for my understanding? The only person in the whole world who will understand you would be me.” I said holding her hand in between both of my hands trying to make her further calm.

“Arav. I lost my battle. I couldn’t fight more. Nothing can happen now. Nothing is going to change their decision and know I have agreed to them too.” She said. And I was about to lose my conscious with those last six words.

“I have always said, I will be always with you, whatever situations we may come across in life. If this is your decision, I won’t ask a single time why so. I loved you and I will love you always. Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. Just take care of yourself and your family.” I said in a firm voice knowing I have met with a dead end of my survival.  

“This is last time I am meeting you” She said this time more firm than me.

“Last time?” I giggled thinking how it is possible, how can impossible happen, our survival will be endangered and in a small corner of my mind, a voice was intentionally left unheard saying this is it and this is the way it will be now forever.

“Yes last time” she replied firmly and I really don’t know when she got to learn to be that stronger as I always found her since I met her five years ago, a kind of person who can never say no to others, who is always so nice from heart and emotional that she get herself hurt at small things and start crying at sudden and every time I need to make her smile in a minute or two because that was the only thing I could never see, tears in her eyes.

“Can’t I even talk to you on phone?” I smiled mischievously.

“No.” she replied with voice rock solid firm.

“Message, Chat, email?”  I kept smiling, I don’t know how but perhaps that was the best last thing I could give to her.

She kept silent for few seconds this time before saying, “Please, never ever try to contact me or my family in any way.”

“All right madam, at your service as usual.” I said.

“I am serious Arav.” She raised her voice a bit this time taking a note of my smile and seeing me behaving unexpectedly. But somewhere in a corner of her heart she had expected me to understand her and behave this way only and that is why she was able to gather the courage to come in person and say me those words, else she wouldn’t have even talked to me for last time to say goodbye as it would have needed a strength that she could never have after being in love for five years or five lives.

“I am serious too. Is it necessary to cry or look sad? I know you have your reasons and I respect that. If I wouldn’t understand those reasons, who else would you believe to understand you?” I said in an affirmed voice this time.

She nodded silently as she was ready to go now in her silent exile which she had decided for her for rest of her life.

A silent swallowed up both of us for few minutes. We both wanted to talk but there was nothing left to talk about now. At that time she needed my full support so that she could say those words easily and I had given my level best using all my theatrical skills. But now my need of a shoulder to cry my heart out had started to show, but it would have ended my successful fleet till now of making her easier.

“So would you like to have coffee with me for one last time, please?” I urged with mischievous or crazy smile to keep my need at bay again. And it will make her stay longer too.

I ordered one café latte for her to make her feel light and one café mocha for me to make my sense go out of the thought that what will happen to me without seeking a yes from her.

She kept looking here and there till the order arrived and  I kept looking at her face as perhaps this was the last time I could see her and I wished to capture the glimpse of the face of love as much as possible.

I watched a cream colored heart designed beautifully and then shattered slowly to be resolved in the darkness of coffee, in her coffee mug and then flee off my eyes from the sight without trying to know what was going on inside her mind while drinking that coffee and she kept sipping it without knowing what was going on inside my mind.

She spoke after few moments,” what shall I do with your gifts?  I can’t keep them along with me in my home.”

“That’s it? Don’t worry, give them back to me. I will keep them along with me till my end.” I replied bravely knowing I am pushing myself further deep into the hell of darkness. How will even I hold those gifts in my hands which I gave her over a period of more than five years, every time with the last bucks left in my pocket or with making all those small saving cutting out my daily expenses and bought over a number of shops after spending moments of lifetime then decorating them with my inhibit artistic capabilities which I could show to her only, along with her sketches I drew thinking about her and many many more others with much more emotions attached to it, much deeper love associated to it and much larger a dream seen for us, along with those letters of confessions I made, after committing some mistakes and written with every word soaked in my tears.

Anyhow it will give me another chance of seeing her again. That was enough to make me smile like I have caught some strands of grass while getting drowned in the sea.

“Okkay I have to leave now.” She said hurriedly finishing off the last sip of coffee and left the place at once.

I put all the money my wallet had on the table and ran after her. “Stop, where are you going? At least let me drop you there for last time” I insisted like a baby.

“I love you so much and will love you always.” She said and tears came out of her eyes. “Your gifts are with Isha. I will ask her to hand over that bag to you.” She said wiping off tears from her eyes smashing my hope to see her once again to smithereens. ”Bye” she said, first time using that word bye instead of c ya and walked away, from there, from my life and took everything of mine along with her, leaving me with my last encounter which I knew will never ever pass to past from present and I kept looking at her walking away as long as I could see her.

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Simply Arsh